October Goals

How did we get here? I blinked in June 5.7 seconds ago and now we’re in October. I’m not complaining though, after the hottest summer on record (which is truly terrifying) I’m ready for my absolute favourite time of year, autumn.
Autumn is magical. The colours are amazing and it's both cool enough and more socially acceptable for me to drink all of the hot chocolate. Autumn also feels like a new beginning. I think it's because I've never quite managed to get off the school timetable so it feels like now is the time for new pencil cases and new attitudes. And there's still time in the year to actually make some changes, which in itself is quite a comforting thought. So with that in mind, let's talk about my goals for the month.

Prioritise my mental health

Over the past couple of months my mental health hasn't been great. Interestingly, I've noticed that it's been a couple of months since I've been to any live music and I can't help but think that the two are connected. Anyway, the last couple of months have been a real struggle and while I'm still functioning, it's just enough to get through my daily life and that's it. I've not been getting a lot of joy out of my life lately, and while that makes me really sad, it makes me feel worse that my default attitude to life is that it's something that has to be got through, when that shouldn't be the case. Life is a gift and exactly what you make it, or so all the inane instagram inspirational quotes keep telling me, and I don't want my life to be spent feeling so miserable. 

I was listening to Aisling Bea on Griefcast, my new favourite podcast, the other day and she said made some excellent points about mental health. One of the most interesting things she said, and I'm definitely paraphrasing here, was that people can cope with being miserable for long periods of time but what they can't cope with is boredom and it's when people become bored with their misery that they feel compelled to do something about it. And I am officially bored of my misery. 

Bea also said some amazing things - I cannot stress how brilliant she was and would strongly recommend you all listen to it - about how you need to signify to yourself that you are worthy of being happy and that starts from the outside in. So for me prioritising my mental health means signing up for counselling and in the mean time making sure I'm eating well and getting enough sleep, and, really importantly, actually allowing myself to relax instead of feeling guilty about it. It also means making sure I'm listening to music that makes me happy, going to see it where I can, and making more time for swimming and reading. 

Be more positive

I’m fully aware of how generic basic bitch that sounds, especially after what I've just said about my mental health, but despite how wanky it is to say, I think it's really important for me to foster an attitude shift. I’ve noticed recently that I can come across as quite a negative person. I definitely don’t mean to be, my outlook generally tends to be more glass half full rather than empty. But after looking back over a few vlogs I can see that my focus always tends to be on the bad stuff rather than the good. Now I don't know if this is because the bad stuff tends to make a better story or what, but I'd very much like to stop only talking about the bad things in my life and start focusing on the good. And there are good things. I try to make a list of the things I'm grateful for everyday, and it does make me feel better about life when I'm feeling shit, but these are the kind of things that I need to be talking about and appreciating more. 

Take back control

So we've gone from basic bitch to more of dominatrix-y kind of vibe but let me explain. I spend a lot of my time feeling completely out of control and that life is something that just happens to me. I think it's important for me to realise that I actually have a lot more control than I think I do. Even when it comes to really small things, like buying an iron because I don't have one, instead of leaving a ton of my clothes unworn because they're too wrinkled. Yes, that did actually happen, but it's okay because I do have an iron and an ironing board now.  As Aaron Burr sings in Hamilton: "I am the one thing in life I can control", sometimes I don't feel like that's true but it is. I have more control of myself and my small part of the universe than I give myself credit for.

What are your goals this month?

L xxx

*DISCLAIMER* I'm not suggesting that eating well, sleeping or taking better care of yourself will cure mental illness. These things aren't nothing but they won't fix you. Please seek professional help if you need it and are struggling with your mental health