FEARLESS #4: Dragon Slaying Unicorn

FEARLESS #4: Dragon Slaying Unicorn

Saturday, 10 September 2016

Read post

Another two months have absolutely flown by and I am pleased to report progress. So where shall we start? The past two months have been manic so let's begin at the beginning.

Let's start with July, because that's when I really started making things happen. Firstly I confessed my true feelings for someone, to them. I don't want to go into it too much because it's super personal and I would like to protect his privacy and also my mum reads this. But, firstly, we should note I did not die, and nothing bad happened. More importantly for the first time, in the past two years, I feel like this huge, poisonous weight has been lifted. For two days afterwards I was giddy. Not because he returned my feelings, I knew he wouldn't, but because I had said it and I got it off my chest. I don't still have those feeling, I haven't had them in quite a while but I think I needed to know if he had ever felt the same way and now I know. I feel like I've let go of something that was holding me back and now I can move on. Which is the best feeling in the world! Carrying that kind of emotional baggage around with you is absolutely exhausting and it was stopping me from moving on. Now it's gone and I feel so free! It's amazing.

So on to my next major piece of news, the day after that I quit the job I hated. I didn't have another job to go to, I just didn't think I would find something else if I had money coming in. Now I have no choice but to look for something else. I'm  really scared and nervous and excited but that's probably a good thing, now I can start looking for a job I actually like! Or maybe even give this blogging full time malarkey a real go. The possibilities are endless and I am so excited, and terrified. But if it wasn't scary what would be the point in me writing about it in this post?

So we finally come to my last bit of news I HAVE BEEN GOING TO THE GYM! Regularly! If you follow me on Instagram (you can here) you'll already know this as I've been posting about it a lot. If you read any my previous Fearless posts (read them here, here & here) then you'll know that this was a big deal for me. I was straight up terrified about working out in a room full of strangers and mirrors, I still am. No one needs to see themselves get red faced and sweaty whilst trying to keep their balance on a treadmill... just me? BUT I am going. I've even had a training programme set up for me, by one of the best looking men I have ever seen I might add, it's really hard and I ache everywhere,  but I can do it. I did it today. I'm doing it. I'll be honest I can't imagine there'll be a time when I don't think exercise sucks, especially cardio, but I'm doing it and that's the important thing. I'll keep you posted with any progress.

In the past couple of months my Fearlessness level has changed from Frightened House Mouse to Dragon Slaying Unicorn.

At the moment I feel invincible. It's a really good feeling.


Do you guys have any challenges for me? Let me know by commenting below, on twitter, or dropping me an email at lolarocknroses@gmail.com. Also check out my instagram, facebook, bloglovin', snapchat -search lolarocknroses - & pinterest for regular updates.

Love love love xxx

FEARLESS: Taking Baby Steps

FEARLESS: Taking Baby Steps

Thursday, 9 June 2016

Read post

Another 2 months have just flown by and it's time to report back how I'm getting on with my Fearless challenge. Let's get the bad news out of the way first, so we can get to the good stuff, because there is some good stuff.

I'm not currently learning to drive. I'm waiting for my replacement provisional license to arrive, but once it does I'll be booking some lessons, and getting out on the open road. The prospect is scary, but it's time. I need to drive, it would make life so much easier. 

I'm also not attending the gym regularly, it's on my to do list, but I am doing something far more scary! I'm taking a class with a friend from work, not just any class. A pole fitness class, and I'm really bad at it. I've got no upper body strength, the core strength of a bowl of jelly, I'm really not very good at keeping my balance and I need extra help from the teacher. BUT I'm still going. And I'm really enjoying it. I ache so bad for a couple of days afterwards and I'm covered in bruises, but they feel like an accomplishment. Like I'm doing something good. The course is only for 4 weeks and I'm already half way through but me and my friend have both said that we would like to carry on after, and I feel like this is something I want to pursue. I'd like to be good at it. So I'm trying.

This was me attempting to do a forearm stand in my first lesson. It was so scary!

Now on to my next good thing. I've recently decided to go part time at work so I can focus solely on my blog. My mum did want me to quit cold turkey, so I dedicate all my time to blogging, which  would love to do in the near future, but at the moment I feel like I need the security of regular pay behind me. That does mean that I'll be making some changes to my blog and will be posting more regularly. I'm also hoping to get my first youtube video filmed and uploaded soon, but you guys will be the first people to know about that.

So that's what I've been up to, there's been some progress in some places and not as much in others, but I've realised that I need to change the way I approach my Fearless challenges. I think my main problem is I bite off more than I can chew, I take on more than I can actually handle, and then find it really intimidating. From now on I'll be taking baby steps until I feel more confident in myself. Obviously I'll be keeping you lot posted. I'm not going to be setting a challenge for myself for June & July, although I would like to go back to Slimming World this month, instead I'm going to focus on adding more to my pile of good things, and see where I go from there.

Wish me luck!

Love love love xxx

P.S If you want to read my first two FEARLESS posts you can here and here. Let me know what you've  been up to by commenting below, on twitter, or dropping me an email at lolarocknroses@gmail.com. Check out my instagram, facebook, bloglovin', snapchat -search lolarocknroses - & pinterest for regular updates.

FEARLESS: Falling at the First Hurdle and Trying Again

FEARLESS: Falling at the First Hurdle and Trying Again

Sunday, 3 April 2016

Read post

meme via

So let's get it over with, I failed. Spectacularly. I could sit here and list a million excuses, including not owning an adequate sports bra, but the truth is I think I may have started a bit big. I hate going to the gym. Not because I hate exercise, well not just that, it's more that  I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to leave my pyjamas and netflix unattended. They would miss me too much.

All jokes aside I really struggled. I wanted to go, and went to go, so many times but I just couldn't bring myself too. I felt too self-conscious, too embarrassed and let my fear, of something so small and insignificant, get the better of me.  Even though I knew it would be just as embarrassing to tell you guys that I failed at the first attempt, I felt more comfortable doing that then watching myself get out of breath, red faced and sweaty in a room full of mirrors and also other people, that's nightmare territory.

I'm sorry to report back that for the past two months I have not been fearless, I have been fearful and I'm really annoyed at myself for it. But I can't change it, all I can do is try again. Or in the words of Laura Michelle Kelly/Gary Barlow & Eliot Kennedy: All that matters now is where I go from here. So I will be trying again, and hitting the gym. Even though it's full of mirrors and other people. This time though I will be going with my friend so it should be much less intimidating.

This brings me to the second challenge... Learning to Drive

I know what your thinking if I'm too much of a chicken to go to the gym by myself, how on earth am I going to learn to drive? And the answer is I don't know, I am really scared of learning to drive. I'm terrified I'm going to end up killing myself or someone else. I have virtually no power of observation and absolutely no spatial awareness and I am clumsy, incredibly so. I walk into things a lot, it's worrying how much.  I say the words 'ARGH I NEED TO LEARN TO DRIVE!!!'to myself at least once everyday, but in reality I am terrified of getting behind the wheel, even though I've had lessons before. It is some seriously scary stuff. But I need to get over it and just do it. Being able to drive and having a car would make my life so much easier, it really would.

I'll keep you posted. Hopefully in two months time I'll be a regular gym going learner driver. Wish me luck!

Let's be fearless together, let me know what you're scared of by commenting below, on twitter, or dropping me an email at lolarocknroses@gmail.com. Also check out my instagram, facebook, bloglovin', snapchat -search lolarocknroses - & pinterest for regular updates.

Love love love xxx

FEARLESS: Introduction & The First Challenge

FEARLESS: Introduction & The First Challenge

Thursday, 28 January 2016

Read post

Way back in 2013 I started a blog called Fearless: A Year of Confidence. At the time, shockingly, I had really quite low self-confidence and the idea was to set myself daily challenges that would take me outside my comfort zone and slowly increase my confidence. It didn't work. It was a good idea but it didn't work, but only because, being incredibly naive at the time, I didn't realise how much work goes into a blogging and with my uni work, this blog and a way more active social life than I have now, it all fell by the wayside pretty quickly.

Last year I thought about revisiting the idea but decided that the timing wasn't right and it would be more suited for this time of year. So here it is, finally, 3 years after I had the original idea, it's had some tweaks but I am very happy to introduce FEARLESS! Essentially it is the same, I will be challenging myself to try new things, get outside of my comfort zone and work on my confidence - it's still not great - except they will be bi-monthly challenges, not daily, and I will be sticking to it this time.

Challenge #1: Go to the Gym alone & book a Personal Training session

Last time I went to the gym I let myself get really intimidated, I freaked out after about half an hour and left because I felt so uncomfortable and self-concious. I haven't been back since. I want to go back because I do want to get in shape and get fit but also because I don't want to be intimidated by it. It's ridiculous, I need to prove to myself that it's just a gym and it's okay that other people use it. Get over it. To make things a little bit harder on myself I want to book a Personal Training session. I haven't booked one before because honestly I was way too self-conscious but I have no idea what I'm doing and I need help. It's all well & good me being able to go to the gym but it's pointless if I haven't got a clue what to do. So that is my first challenge. Wish me luck!

I'll keep you posted.

Let me know what you think by commenting below, on twitter, or dropping me an email at lolarocknroses@gmail.com. Also check out my instagram, facebook, bloglovin', snapchat -search lolarocknroses - & pinterest for regular updates.

Love love love xxx