Today I found out that it's
more than likely that my family thinks I'm a bitch. None of them have said or
would ever say this to me because they're really nice people but the fact that
they probably think it isn't really surprising. I have a serious case of Bitch
Face, it's not even resting Bitch Face I just have the face of a bitch. This is
something I've dealt with before people take one look at my face, even when I'm
smiling and happy, and assume I'm horrible or an enraged monster. I'm neither of
those things it's just the way my face is.
Now you would think that
because my family knows me they would know that I'm not a bitch BUT here's the
thing on top of having a severe case of Bitch Face I'm incredibly
socially awkward, not in an adorkable Jess from New Girl aww isn't she cute
kind of way but in an actual cannot cope with social situations so I come off
as mean and desperate for attention. Which isn't the case.
These things separately are
difficult to deal with but when added together every social situation becomes a
nightmare. To the point where I'd rather stay at home by myself then go and
turn into someone I don't know and don't like very much.
When I'm with my friends
it's a totally different story but around my family I'm not very nice and try
as I might I only ever seem to make it worse. I can't do right for doing
wrong.
Take last night for example,
last night me, my mum and step-dad went over to my Uncle's for a curry and a
catch up with him and his family. And I came off terribly, to them I must
have looked rude and disrespectful and actually just really nasty. I knew it
too, every time I said something I knew it was the wrong thing and I felt
awful. I couldn't wait to get out of there because I genuinely had no idea what I was gonna say or do next.
I can't even tell you why this is a problem for me. They're really nice people but I'm not when I'm around them. There's no
excuse really other then I panic, I get scared, I overthink, I try too hard
and it all goes terribly wrong. It really doesn't help that I look mean and am just saying all the wrong things.
For the last couple of years
I have felt like a bit of a blacksheep in my family because I'm really different from
everyone but actually it's because I can't imagine that they think I'm a
nice person and I really don't blame them for it. The worst thing is it's got to a point
where I don't think there's much I can do about it. But I'm going to
try... Fingers crossed.
The most worrying thing is if that's how I come across around family how badly must I be coming across to people who aren't related to me? What a terrifying thought!
The most worrying thing is if that's how I come across around family how badly must I be coming across to people who aren't related to me? What a terrifying thought!
If anyone else struggles or
has struggled with this kind of thing and has any tips on how to cope let me
know on twitter, by commenting below or dropping me an email at lolarocknroses@gmail.com. Also check out my instagram, facebook, BlogLovin & pinterest.
Sorry this post has been a
bit on the depressing side. Have a wonderful week and I'll be back soon and
back to normal.
Until then...
Love love love
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